Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Thoughts before 'YOU' came to my LIFE!!

In past 1 year, I have tried very hard to understand why things never went according to me. Everyone accepts certain things, but somehow I don't even have that right. People approach me when they have tons of sad memories and bad experiences to share. I patiently listen to every detail they have to spill out. But I don't have any idea how to share my heart with people. It aches and breaks on everyday basis, but I just tend to move on with life. It is like, I have become a tree on the roadside under which people stand for shade or dogs tend to pee or kids love to hang from the branches. 'Oh, he understands everything', 'he is so patient', or he doesn't need any help as he is good at resolving issues for others. Why do people forget that I am human too and not a machine? I know it is my fault as I let people walk all over me and fade away. I should have approached people and shared my feeling for them, but you will not believe me that I have done the same. One can suggest me that I should be more vocal and learn to be content with myself. I am content with my life, career choice, company of great friends, and other things. In so many years, all I could achieve, till now, is to be a great friend and a support for so many people. I should be named as 'Mother Teresa' in this aspect. I fail to understand, where am I going wrong? What I should have done in a manner to have an amazing relationship? My mom told me once, you should be successful to attract people towards you. I am 25 and my career is pacing in a right direction.

It is always I, never we. My soul aches for that support that one can get through companionship. People want to change for others but I never expect anyone to change for me. I know I have thousand defects and I have never hidden anything from anyone. I have a rule- "Never hide anything from anyone". For a successful relationship, you ought to come clean first with yourself and then with the other person. I just cannot move ahead building a wrong impression on someone and letting that person's hope fly high. What is wrong in confessing that you have defects and you have no power to rectify them. Does love has to be so judgmental to accept you as person with defects? I am not a hopper or a person who actually understands a one-night-stand. I am very simple soul who believes that one person is enough for me. I am not boasting but I never required to approach anyone for anything. All I want is stability without compromising on truth or changing myself or the other person.